Still

Still

by Melody Pabz

Time has a way of healing

But the wounds in my heart are still bleeding

Spending nights in constant weeping

I need you to heal my heart that is breaking

I preferred to continue loving you

Because my tormented heart belongs to you

My whole world revolves around you

How do I live without you?

Uncontrollable passion of tears

Listening to the songs we used to hear

Longing for all these years

I love you still

Another Dream of Impossible Love

Another Dream of Impossible Love

by Melody Pabz

An inexorable destiny

An unbearable reality

Healed wounds begin to bleed again

My heart cries in pain

Our paths crossed for important reason

Developed so much affection

Full of stupid admiration

Between us is nothing more than an illusion

I am too distant from your world…

Sepia

Melancholy

Your Lies, My Tears

Your Lies, My Tears by Melody Pabz

      I decided to walk away. I closed the door of our conversations and kept it closed. I decided to see what life would be like without you. I was hit with waves of loneliness because I realized that it was you whom I missed.

   I was reluctant to say goodbye because I was deeply in love with you but I was very tired. It was time for me to leave you. Our strange shared time had come to an end. Our conversations ended in lies and tears - your lies, my tears.

     I examined my heart and I found myself thinking about you. There could probably be nothing more painful for me than to endure this sort of loneliness…

Shadow of the Past

Shadow of the Past by Melody Pabz 

     I spent my finest hours observing the harmonics of the planetary dance. The Earth moved through its summer journey. The moon was dimmed by the cloud. I saw a star fading at the horizon and I remembered a person who changed my way of life, the man to whom I silently given my heart. This opened a hole in my universe. My heart seemed to stop for a moment. Then, tears were rising to my eyes like mercury in a thermometer. Sadness rose up like smoke out of my ruined heart. It seemed his shadow remained at my side though he was far away from me…

     I was a pretender. I pretended that I don’t love him. I experienced the pain of sitting down with him and telling him that I was in love with someone else. I preferrred to keep my emotions. I’d let myself become carried away by the game of pretense. 

Untitled

Untitled

by Melody Pabz

I want you to hold me tight

Through a dark cold night

Quenching my thirst for light

Will I give up the fight?



Overwhelmed by deep sadness

Am I unworthy of happiness?

My life had been completely useless

Since the day you left me in the darkness



Persecuted by destiny

Cannot accept its cruelty

My worst fear became reality

When you left and abandoned me



You played with my feeling

Now, I’m finding my way through suffering

My heart is struggling

Because you’re the piece that is missing

The Drama of Falling in Love

The Drama of Falling in Love by Melody Pabz

     I couldn’t stop from crying because I was deeply hurt. You found me when I was looking for some meaning to my life. You begged me to stop crying. Your words healed the wounds in my heart. You understood my pain, anxiety, and feelings of abandonment…

     You had been passing through my life now for exactly two months. Each second I spent with you had been worthwhile. A part of me had been longing to see you. My mind can’t stop telling me that I have affection for you.  I am a slave of my feeling. This feeling is continuing to grow in a peculiar way.  With each day that passed, my feeling for you did not cease. This feeling rises up from the depth of my soul but I don’t know if you are interested in what I feel. But I will allow this feeling to let me smile and justify my life.

     All I know now is to follow the demands of my heart …I will love you.

Waiting for a better day

The Agony of Loving You

The Agony of Loving You by Melody Pabz

     I wish I could wake up in the morning and your face is not the first thing I see. There is a part of me that always wishes I am the girl you love. When I start to feel this way, I began to hate myself. I feel angry for getting into this situation. After all, it’s my fault. I can’t keep myself from getting hurt.

     I pretend that I don’t love you. I cannot bear the thoughts that my happiness depends on you. I conceal my emotion everytime I see the two of you. Your touch seems painful to me because I know that I am a real waste of space in your world.

     The game of love is unkind. My sufferings have been very serious. This is the most cruel affliction. I feel distress beyond anything I had ever felt before. I am in silent agony. I mourn in secrecy and no one will see my private heartaches…

Unfulfilled Promises of Love

Unfulfilled Promises of Love by Melody Pabz

     You promised me a rose garden but I found myself encompassed in a labyrinth where lies and doubts converge. As I continue my journey , I discovered that everything was a game…

     I stayed in a dark room. The darkness became my only friend.I felt so cold and empty. Countless tears fell from my eyes. I can hardly guess your intentions.I suffered from a broken heart. I bleed…my heart bleeds. I thought you’ll fulfill the aching emptiness of my life but I was so wrong. You were gone and left me alone.

    Our love story did not end with “and they live happily ever after”. Your promises left unfulfilled…

Psychology of Love

Psychology of Love

by Melody Pabz

My nervous system controls me daily

But you control myself totally

I love you deeply

To be with you is always I want to be

Because of my hippocampus, I learn something

I find out that you’re the reason why I’m breathing

You are the reason of my being

When I am with you, I can do everything

The apple of my eyes is you

Because my parietal lobe always recognizes you

I am happy when I am with you

I am miserable when I am without you

You always come to my senses

I have no defenses

To fall in love with you is one of my perfect experiences

For me, you’re more important than all the riches

My pons control the analysis of my sensory

Motor neurons deliver the instructions to my body

Without your touch, my life will be lonely

Because of my temporal lobe, you’re forever in my memory

 My medulla oblongata controls my heartrate

I do believe that you are my perfect mate

To meet you is my fate

You hold the key to open my heart’s gate

My hypothalamus is my most powerful brain’s subdivision

Without you, it will not function

You are my portion

I love you through the season

Because of my cerebrum, I always think of you

My every action is for you

I am in love with you

Do you feel the same way too?

Abandoned melody

 

      Listen deep into my heart. Can you hear the rhythm of my love?
     Your name was written across the pages of my destiny. You were a perfect tone. Your voice was like notes of melody.
     But notes were lost within my heart and the music abandoned me to the cold night…   

Love Chamber

Love Chamber by Melody Pabz

     I still carry the past with me. It encircles me and keeps me captive. The past remains. It blends with the present. I am not ready to forget.

     I still love you and I can’t find escape from the love chamber. There is no way out. I feel imprisoned and trapped. Love is the real trap in which I was caught…

Forsaken

Forsaken

by Melody Pabz

People claimed that they love me

But they abandoned me repeatedly

There was a constant pain in my head

Because of the words they said

They did not love me

They did not care for me

I felt feelings of rejection

Because everybody left me in the midst of affliction

Bitter loneliness which I have known

I found myself alone

There was nothing but emptiness

I found myself floating in the blankness

Clemency

Clemency by Melody Pabz

      I started to cry but it made me feel worse. I felt that my heart was broken. I was in intense pain. It was an affliction…

     I closed my eyes. I pointed my finger at the Today’s advice’s poster. My finger landed on “Let go & let God.” My anger and desire for revenge poisoned my entire being. I had entered the dark psychology of revenge. It was not easy to forgive. My sense of fairness told me that people should pay for the wrong they did.

     How can I forgive? It is not like the way how a child open his hand and frees a trapped butterfly. How can I let go of the past? How can I heal the hurt? How can I create a new beginning out of past pain? How can I let go of my desire for vengeance? And I felt myself stuck up in the “how can I?”

   I opened the Bible and searched for the verses that will answer my questions. I read Mark 11:25-26 and Eph. 4:31-32.

Mark 11

25 ” And wherever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

26 But if you do not forgive, neither your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Eph. 4

31 ” Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Incognito

Incognito by Melody Pabz

     Long since, I felt only a sense of my own uselessness but everything had changed when he had come into my life. He read the sadness in my eyes. I learned from him that our life is meaningful but we take care the meaningless and take away the meaningful things on it. We care for those things that make us lonely.

     For many years, I was a sensitive girl, filled with sadness and a little frightened by life. I wore a mask of confidence but behind this lies a fragile self-esteem. I was vulnerable to the slightest criticism. I created a world of my own. I loved my own silence. I desired to die. I desired not to go on livling…

     There was something hopeless about me, a naked vulnerability that touched him. He did not let my heart continue imprisoned in sadness.

     “Life is full of gracious things and those things are those we should ponder on.”

     Being a friend to him was a gracious thing. He brought beauty into my life by giving advices. He was an unselfish friend that I can have in this cruel world.

     To trust Jesus Christ and to accept Him to enter to your life was the greatest lesson I had learned from him. God used him as an instrument to change me…

Enigma

            Sometimes, the colors of reality are too difficult to accept. I need time to find myself. Sometimes, I don’t know where I am. But, wherever I am, that’s the world. I fall into an unknown depth. My life is a chain that had come unlinked. The connections are left broken and scattered. I want to fix whatever is wrong with me. I am not convinced that my life had taken a different path. Is there a brilliant future awaited me in this immense world? Will I become the image I had envisioned?

       Life is a puzzle that needs decoding… 

 

Enigma by Melody Pabz

A Friend’s Farewell

A Friend’s Farewell

by Melody Pabz

Together we shared both bitter and sweet

Expecting a hundred years of friendship

How could I know you’d go one evening

Without telling me that you are leaving?

I still remember the last hour

When the sky was full of tiny silver stars

You held me and you said goodbye

Then suddenly tears fell from my eyes

I stay alone in a lonely room

Gazing at the bright moon

I went to the window

My heart was full of sorrow

Thinking of a distant friend

I thought our friendship would never end

My tears just like the rain

Will I see you,my friend, again?

( This poem was published in the June-December 2008 issue of The ICON - the official publication of Camarin High School)

Lamentation

Lamentation

by Melody Pabz

As aimlessly as the clouds in the sky

Tears sparkle in my eyes

It wouldn’t be so hard to say goodbye

Because nobody will cry

Lost in long years of suffering

I never see the beauty of sharing

I never feel the tenderness of caring

I want to forget my life’s meaning

I feel empty of significance

Nobody gives me importance

My heart drowns in sorrow

I don’t want to live tomorrow

I tied the rope to an attic rafter

The anguish would be ended later

So lonely and broken hearted

The story of my life would be ended