Photographs

Puppet

He’s in charge of pulling the strings, and the puppet feels herself to be the most privileged and envied person  on the planet, until one day, for whatever reason the puppeteer decides to cut the strings, and the puppet falls down, lifeless and powerless. 

I fall down, lifeless and powerless. 

Deep pain

My whole world had been shattered in an instant. The ache was so strong that I didn’t think I could bear it. I could not get you out of my mind. What you had done filled me with a deep pain that refused to go away.

Things rhyme with eyes…

Sound of Silence

I got out of bed and slowly walked to the window. I looked outside. The light of the full moon on the trees made a bizarre landscape of the backyard. I could hear none of the normal night sounds, such as the distant barking of a dog or the chip of crickets. For a moment, I just stood there listening, hearing nothing.

Sunset

My heart

I gave him my heart because he promised that he wouldn’t mend it but he didn’t. Now, I hold onto the broken pieces of my heart. Those pieces are sharp and dangerous. I hold them tight. They tear my soul and my spirit bleeds to death.

Stay

Running away did not solve anything. Sometimes walking away is the only solution left but there are some problems beyond resolution. I have to stay a little longer…

Bitter Tears

My heart floods with bitter tears - tears of agony, tears of resentment, tears of sadness - for you, for myself, and for the life that we will never share. I grieve for all the days we would not share. I grieve for all the laughter lost, for all the moments forfeited, for all the days never to be together. 

Game of Pretense (A Short Story)

by Melody Pabz

She spent her finest hours observing the harmonics of the planetary dance. The Earth moved through its summer journey. The moon was dimmed by the cloud. She saw a star fading at the horizon and she remembered a person who changed her way of life, the man to whom she silently given her heart.

Olive was a sensitive girl, filled with sadness and a little frightened by life. She wore a mask of confidence but behind this lies a fragile self-esteem. She was vulnerable to the slightest criticism. On her last year of being a high school student, she transferred from a private to a public school. In her new school, she created a world of her own. She loved her own silence. She desired to die. She desired not to go on living. For many years, she felt only a sense of her own uselessness but everything had changed when Ryan had come into her life.

          One day, in a hidden corner of the library, Ryan found Olive crying. He read the sadness in her eyes. There was something hopeless about her, a naked vulnerability that touched him. He did not let her heart continue imprisoned in sadness. She couldn’t stop from crying because she was deeply hurt. He found her when she was looking for some meaning to her life. He begged her to stop crying. His words healed the wounds in her heart. He understood her pain, anxiety, and feelings of abandonment. “Our life is meaningful but we take care the meaningless and take away the meaningful things on it. We care for those things that make us lonely. Life is full of gracious things and those things are those we should ponder on,” Ryan said.

          They became close friends as time goes by and Olive fell in love with Ryan but she did not dare to tell the desire of her heart. Each second she spent with him had been worthwhile. A part of her had been longing to see him. Her mind can’t stop telling her that she had an affection for him. She was a slave of her feeling. That feeling was continuing to grow in a peculiar way.  With each day that passed, her feeling for him did not cease. That feeling rose up from the depth of her soul but he was not interested in what she felt.

She pretended that she did not love him. She couldn’t bear the thoughts that her happiness depends on him. She experienced the pain of sitting down with him and telling him that she was in love with someone else. She preferred to keep her emotions. She’d let herself become carried away by the game of pretense. 

For the whole school year, she pretended that she was in love with someone else because she was afraid of rejection. She was contended that she was his friend. Besides, Ryan is in love with Olive’s friend.

 Being a friend to him was a gracious thing. He brought beauty into her life by giving advices. He was an unselfish friend that she can have in this cruel world but their story did not end with a happy ending. On their graduation, Ryan did not fulfill his promise. Olive was so disappointed. She can hardly guess his intentions.

They planned to study in the same university but Olive changed her mind. She closed the door of their conversations and kept it closed. She decided to see what life would be like without him. She was hit with waves of loneliness because she realized that it was him whom she missed. She was reluctant to say goodbye because she was deeply in love with him but she was very tired. It was time for her to leave him. Their shared time had come to an end. Their conversations ended in lies and tears - his lies, her tears.

She stayed in a dark room. The darkness became her only friend. She felt so cold and empty. She examined her heart and she found herself thinking about him. There could probably be nothing more painful for her than to endure that sort of loneliness. This opened a hole in her universe. Her heart seemed to stop for a moment. Then, tears were rising to my eyes like mercury in a thermometer. Countless tears fell from her eyes. Sadness rose up like smoke out of her ruined heart. Her sufferings have been very serious. She felt distress beyond anything she had ever felt before. She was in silent agony. She mourned in secrecy and no one will see her private heartaches. After all, it was her fault.

She still loves him and she can’t find escape from the love chamber. There is no way out. She feels imprisoned and trapped. It seems his shadow remains at her side though he is far away from her.

In my Dreams

Meeting and Parting

Meeting at Nightfall
by Melody Pabz

The sun descended to the horizon
Surrounded by lofty buildings
The night was illuminated by moonlight
And stars brightened up the night 
To see her and to talk to her were my longings 
And I could open my heart for a second’s fraction

Parting at Daybreak
by Melody Pabz

Standing on a exquisite lea
I observed the landscape with whim 
And I spent the hours of sunrise with him
And the need of another world for me

The Art of Music

by Melody Pabz

The art of music is the combination of tones in a composition
of definite from, characterized by pitch and quality.
It provides pleasure and it expresses emotion.

It can perform a therapeutic function
by arousing or releasing fear, anger and pity.
The art of music is the combination of tones in a composition

An art of concrete expression
of the things in reality
A way of expressing emotion

It is a melodies’ progression
and gives an individuality
The art of music is the combination of tones in a composition

I Heard a Gig in my Brain

by Melody Pabz

 I heard a Gig, in my Brain,
The Bands were making Music –
Metal Singers – like insane
The Guitarists were using Peak

I heard a Scream
Together with a beautiful Rhythm –
A means of Communication
Performed a therapeutic function

The Guitar – creating wonderful Melody
Kept listening – listening – to the Harmony
And then I heard the guitar’s Riff
The succession of Sounds – gave me relief

And then I heard the Beats of the Drum
I loved the Beats – they made me calm
Metal Music was a Discord for some
But for me – it was totally awesome

Escape

by Melody Pabz

Am I supposed to be happy?
When will I experience sweet serenity?
All I want is to be glad
But I always become sad

I used a thousand and one cent
I loved my ambiance’s scent
I put in the glass two cubes of ice
I fell asleep and I closed my eyes

I did not obey the Bible
I found myself uncontrollable
I committed a sin against the law of God
I felt guilty and bad

Will You forgive me Oh God?
I didn’t mean to be bad
Forgive me for all my sin
This vice, You’ll no longer be seen

Where’s Justice?

Where’s Justice?

by Melody Pabz

Innocent people suffer

Sinners are not punished because of their power

Is truth for sale?

Wicked people deserve endless torment in hell

Their tears are blaming God

They didn’t do anything bad

They spend long years of suffering

Even though they did nothing

Money buys souls

Will I give a shit to those assholes?

Justice is for the rich only

It’s blind for the poor but not guilty

Dreaming of You

by Melody Pabz

I stay alone in a room of melancholy

Thinking of our unhappy destiny

Listening to the sad melody

Wanting to bring back our love in harmony

I hear the clock’s ticking

I wish you were here to heal my heart that’s breaking

Time has a way of healing

But the wounds in my heart are still bleeding

The sky is full of tiny silver stars

Wasting my precious hours

I’m dreaming of you tonight

Wanting you to hold me tight

I bring myself back to the reality

I am alone together with my vanity

Still holding our picture

A reality I could no longer endure

To my first Sweetheart

by Melody Pabz

 I am happy when I am with you

I am miserable when I am without you

To fall in love with you is one of my perfect experiences

For me, you’re more important than all the world’s riches

You are compared to a sweet melody

Succession of tones that makes me happy

You give me immeasurable felicity

Your love is my sanctuary

I love you deeply

To be with you is always I want to be

To meet you is my fate

I believe that you are my perfect mate

Someday

Someday

by Melody Pabz

Listening to the melodies of terrible sadness

No armor against the dreadful loneliness

A love story with unhappy ending

You’re the reason why my heart is bleeding

How could I have been so blind?

The game of love is so unkind

I will set myself free

Someday, you would just be a memory

Wounded by Love

Wounded by Love

by Melody Pabz

You committed a crime in the name of love

You destroyed me without a heart,

Without a conscience,

Without even a second glance

You left me bleeding on the roadside

I was wounded by love